


time changes (so do we)

by warmkape



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, HQ Angst Week, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Break Up, i think, kinda cried writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:00:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27327712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmkape/pseuds/warmkape
Summary: to which suna and osamu's love starts to fade but neither chooses to let go.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Miya Osamu, Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu, Miya Osamu & Suna Rintarou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	time changes (so do we)

**Author's Note:**

> hq angst week: day 1 ("when did it all change?")
> 
> this is a longer version of the thread i made before: https://twitter.com/keijsgf/status/1318095161432272896?s=20

It’s silent. Too silent. Being silent isn’t part of Osamu’s vocabulary and Suna is hyperaware of that.

Suna isn’t scared of many things. He wasn’t scared when they were up against the #1 powerhouse of Japan, Itachiyama, back in high school. He wasn’t scared when his friends pranked him by locking him inside the storage room the whole day or did he scream his heart out when they watched a gore, jumpscare, horror movie with his friends during their sleepover.

 _Maybe,_ Suna isn’t scared of many things.

Maybe, he is scared of _one_ particular thing – Miya Osamu. 

He glances at his boyfriend, quietly munching popcorn as he stares into the void. He doubts he’s even listening to the show he’s watching right now. “Hey,” Suna softly calls, resting his head on his shoulder, his hand intertwining with his as he massages his hand like he always does.

“Is your business okay?” He doesn’t know how to get Osamu to tell him how he exactly feels. Maybe starting with this conversation might get him to say it. Maybe not.

Does Suna really want to know?

Osamu hums, his free arm wraps around him. Suna feels his hand on top of his head, fingers caressing his hair. Suna hums in satisfaction.

“It’s fine, the Tokyo branch I’m working on might get approved soon.” He answers.

Suna hums in return, attention going back to the TV. He doesn’t really pay attention, his mind drifting away as he drowns in his own thoughts.

He doesn’t even bother reminding Osamu that he already told him that a few days ago.

**~** **✦** **~**

It’s suffocating. It’s starting to scare Suna down to the core. The shared apartment he has with Osamu becomes unbearable. He spends his free time, outside practice, with his friends nearby.

“Idiot.”

“Huh?” Suna reacts offensively, “Did I really hear that from you, Kiyoomi? Out of all people?”

Kiyoomi shrugged, pulling down his mask as he takes a sip from his iced coffee. “Am I not wrong, though? You’re holding on when there’s nothing left to hold on to anymore.”

Suna’s face scrunches. He hates Kiyoomi.

He hates how fucking accurate he sounds right now.

“I’m sure Osamu feels the same way,” Kiyoomi adds, “Neither of you is just too stubborn to let go.”

“But… I don’t want to.” Suna mutters, lowering his gaze, “I love him so much, Kiyoomi. I can’t let go. I’m _scared._ ”

Kiyoomi stays silent, gaze glued to the male in front of him. After a while, Kiyoomi spoke, “Save yourself, Rin. Before it’s too late.”

**~** **✦** **~**

No matter who Suna went to ask for advice, they all said the same thing. A break-up he can’t afford. He’s always been straightforward about his feelings, usually not caring if people were to be offended, sad, or happy about the things he says. He just thinks he’s honest about many things.

Maybe on some things, he tends not to be so honest.

Just with how he’s not so honest about his relationship with Osamu is going.

It’s getting more suffocating, Suna thinks. How long can he hold on? Is he even still holding on to something? Is _Osamu_ still holding on just like him?

He sighs. He’s not even sure when did everything start to change between them.

**~** **✦** **~**

On one autumn morning, Osamu asks Suna out for a date. Osamu closes his restaurant for the day. Suna has no idea where he’s taking him, but he didn’t mind. He smiles as their hands intertwined. Osamu smiles back, leaning forward to softly kiss the tip of his nose.

They arrived at an expensive-looking restaurant. A private room reserved for them. Suna looks at him in awe. “How long have you been planning this?” He asks. Osamu chuckles, giving him a wink in return, “I don’t think that’s important to know, mhm?”

Suna giggles. The wary feeling in his heart dissipates. This is the Osamu he knows. The Osamu he came to love. Somehow, he feels – he _hopes_ – that the distance he’s been feeling between them is closing.

 _Maybe,_ Suna sighs. He’s been hanging on too much on his maybe’s lately. _Maybe it’s better left unsaid. Better to assume that there was nothing wrong in the first place. Nothing ever changed between us in the first place._

Osamu proceeded to take Suna around the area. Stopping by to watch the fountain dance display, to window shopping, to stopping by at a jewelry store to buy matching rings.

Suna freezes on the spot, staring at how Osamu slipped the ring on his finger. “It’s… a circle.” He points out. There was nothing special or grand about it. Just a thin gold ring with an open circle as its design.

“Someday, love.” Osamu smiles, bringing Suna’s hand close to his lips, kissing his knuckles.

It was already evening when they were on their way back to their apartment. It was silent, a comfortable silence, or so Suna thinks. He looks back at Osamu who plausibly stops on his tracks like he’s deep in his thoughts. “Samu? Love? Baby? Hey.” Suna calls gently, closing the gap between them as he places his palm on Osamu’s cheek.

Without missing a beat, Osamu tells him, “We should stop this already.”

The cold breeze embraced them as they stared at each other, tension building up as Suna tries to muster up all his courage to speak. _Why now? All of a sudden?_ Everything went smoothly. Suna thinks all their insecurities and fear were thrown out the window after having to spend the whole day together – just like the old times before they became immersed with their work.

Suna wants to reject it. Convince Osamu that a break up isn’t necessary. It could work out in the end. They could work this out, Suna wants to say.

Instead, he finds himself choking out the words, “Yeah, I think so, too.”

“Think of it as a short vacation,” Osamu smiled, his palm finding its way to Suna’s cheek, thumb gently caressing him, “We’ll come back to each other’s arms soon.”

So, it settles. They made an agreement. Until their hearts healed, until they found their spark again, until Suna and Osamu learn to love each other again the same way they first laid their eyes on each other – they'll come back to each other's arms.

**~** **✦** **~**

A few years passed. Osamu moved out, Suna stayed in their once shared apartment. He glances back and forth at his phone screen and at the door before him, making sure that he correctly followed the details Atsumu gave him.

Suna exhales. He feels nervous but other than that, he somehow feels excited to see Osamu again.

 _“I’m back.”_ He’s been wanting to tell him. Therefore, he knocks on the door. Silence followed.

 _Was I too early?_ Suna frowns. It’s only 8 o’clock and a weekend, after all. Maybe Osamu’s still asleep.

 _Ah, there you go again with your maybe’s._ Suna chuckles to himself. Before he could overthink, the door swung open to reveal a sleepy Osamu, rubbing his eyes as he yawned. “Oh, Rin?” He blinked. He looked rather surprised by his presence.

“Ah, hi,” Suna muttered, finding which words would fit best to explain why he was visiting. Should he be straightforward like he usually is? Or would that be too much for him? But they did make a promise, after all.

“Samu?” Another drowsy voice called out. Suna’s gaze immediately went past through Osamu’s shoulder. The latter pulled the door closer to him, hoping to hide whatever he has in his apartment. It didn't work as the person peeked over, "Oh." He cleared his throat, bowing.

It’s like cold water splashed on his face. He doesn’t need an explanation at this point. He knows. He doesn’t need to hear it. But he’s here. He has to put his best fake face in front of them.

Suna clenched his fist behind him. The male looked familiar as if they've met a few years back but never really got to talk. He decides to strike a conversation with the male behind Osamu, "Fukurodani's..." Suna spoke, "Setter?"

The latter nodded, "Akaashi Keiji. Nice to meet you."

"Keiji? Can you prepare breakfast? I'll catch up with Rin for a while." Osamu looked over to the said male, diverting the topic. No, it’s more like Osamu can’t afford to let the two talk further. He’s scared of what Suna would try to talk about with him. Keiji nodded, going further inside.

Osamu changed into thicker clothes and lead Suna to a familiar bench near his place.

The silence was unbearable and suffocating – the same way when their love was fading a few years ago.

"You said it's a short vacation," Suna finally spoke, gaze glued on the concrete. "You said we'll come back to each other."

"I'm sorry," was the only thing Osamu could say.

"I came back like you told me to," Suna managed to say. Finally, the words he wanted to say were out, yet this isn’t the scenario he hoped to say it.

"I'm sorry."

"I finally learned how to love you again."

 _"I'm so sorry."_ Osamu pleaded.

"But why..." Suna’s voice trembled, pressing his palm on his eyes as he tries to stop his tears from flowing, "Why didn't you come back?"

"I’m..." Osamu sighs, looking away, "Sorry." he reached out for the latter's arms, hoping he'd at least comfort him, but Suna slapped his hand. _He didn’t need an explanation._ He repeats to himself. Does he really not need one? Or is he scared _again_ to what Osamu would tell him?

His mind drifts to Akaashi. He thinks how soft his features were. So gentle, pure, and soft – all these things that Suna doesn’t possess. The few minutes he gets to interact with him, Suna already knows what he has that he doesn’t.

What Akaashi has that made Osamu choose him during the years that were supposed to learn how to love each other again.

_“I’m sorry,” Suna also wants to tell him. “I’m sorry I can’t be as gentle as him. I don’t get to cook breakfast for you like he does. Does he massage your hands too while you watch TV? Does he like to caress your cheeks like I do, too? Were they all softer and gentler than mine? Do they feel way better than mine?”_

He removed his hand from his face, his piercing gaze meeting Osamu’s, “You could’ve just ended it there, Miya.” Osamu flinched. _Stop, Suna. You’re hurting him._ A voice called out in his head. He didn’t listen. “You’re so fucking selfish.” Suna stood up, adjusting his scarf as the cold wind passed by.

“Rin,” Osamu held his hand, standing up, too.

“It's Suna-san to you.” He hissed.

Osamu gripped on his hand tighter, “I don't want to lose you.”

Suna scoffed. _This is your chance, Rin. Take him back. Take back what’s originally yours._ But would it be worth it? Kiyoomi’s words rang in his head again.

_“There’s nothing left to hold on to anymore.”_

_“Save yourself, Rin.”_

Suna breathes, “As a lover?” He asks. Osamu couldn’t answer, yet they both knew that isn’t a yes. Suna smiled bitterly, "Don't want it. Tell me then, Akaashi or me?”

 _Fuck you, Rin._ He hears Kiyoomi curse at him. Moreover, he hears himself cursing at himself. Do you really want to know, Suna? Do you really want to hurt yourself even more? When you already know there’s no more space left in his heart for you to reside in?

“Rin.” Osamu warned.

“I _said,_ ” Suna finds himself hissing again, “It’s Suna-san for you. Akaashi or me?” He pressed.

_Stop, Rin. Before it’s too late._

Silence engulfed them. It took a while. The silence remains suffocating.

Finally, Osamu answered, “… Akaashi.”

Just like that one autumn evening, the cold breeze enveloped them once more as they stared at each other. A reminder that their love no longer ignites the same way it used to; that it can no longer be ignited even if they tried.

Suna turned around, giving Osamu one last smile. He’s always been clinging on so many maybe’s, so many “I’m sorry” that was left unsaid, Suna decides it’s time to change that. He lost. There’s nothing left to hang on to. Especially when Osamu decided to entirely let go already during that one autumn evening.

“Thank you, then, I guess.” Suna smiles.

Osamu stares. Nothing was wrong with Suna’s smile. He’s in pain and longing, he could tell – but underneath all that, he knows Suna is genuine with his smile. An underlying message that Osamu has yet to decode.

Osamu's eyebrows creased, “For?”

Suna stared, too, the smile never leaving his lips. In the end, he didn't answer and walked away.

**~** **✦** **~**

Osamu hums against Akaashi’s hair as their limbs tangled together underneath the thick blanket as they sat on the couch, watching the new episode of Akaashi’s favorite anime. It’s been a month since Suna’s departure.

Yeah, maybe Osamu was too selfish. The guts for him to ask Suna to stay when he never fulfilled their promise in the first place.

He found peace – somehow, not entirely – with Akaashi in his arms, who was much willing to help him move on. He was humming a random song underneath his breath, the ending credits finally into view.

A knock was heard on the door.

“Did you invite someone over?” Akaashi asks, leaning forward to let Osamu get up. “Not that I know of,” Osamu replies, opening the door. He’s greeted by nothing. Akaashi peeks, “Is Atsumu playing a prank again?” He asks.

Osamu frowns, shaking his head, “He has practice today.” He peeks outside, looking left and right – nothing.

 _Oh. Wait._ From Osamu’s peripheral vision, he sees a small box lying across him. He picks it up, opening the said box, and his heart clenched as he took out the note.

He knew this handwriting. even if there was no name at the end of the note, Osamu knew who this is from – especially when the box contained a familiar set of rings.

The note read:

> _To my starlight,_
> 
> _I hope you’ll never find a reason to let go anymore. Take care._

He smiled, putting the note back inside, and closed the box as he hears Akaashi’s footsteps draw nearer. “Who’s it from?” He asks.

“A friend.” He answers, closing the door, pulling Akaashi back to the couch, the box rests on the coffee table across them.

Because Osamu knew Suna doesn’t entirely hate him. He knows Suna will heal from this one day – and he’s already taken his very first step.

Because Suna’s way of saying his I love you’s has always been translated to take care’s.


End file.
